Birthday Party

We all went the nursing home (Living Center) yesterday to celebrate moms' 81st. She was amazed at the cake and said no one had ever brought her a nicer one. I'm sure her memory being what it is that this statement was made in complete honesty. here she is admiring her cake. We all had a good time and mom was in an exceptionally good mood. She thinks she is working there and they refuse to let her go home. She was under the impression that this was her retirement party and she would finally get to leave. When she got tired she wheeled herself off to a secluded area to be alone. My brother and I went to check on her and found her in a depressed mood. I told her everyone was there because she was loved and she said they could all go to "hello". It was good to see her laugh and smile again even for just a short while. thanks for reading.

Back to the real world

We returned home from vacation yesterday. Real bummer. Today the family is going to the nursing home to celebrate moms' birthday. She is 81 and sometimes thinks she is 60 or 50 or 40 or well, you get the picture. My sister visited her for about 30 minutes the other day, left for a few minutes and when she returned it was as if she hadn't been there all day. I dream about her nearly every night, usually strange dreams where she is hostile and trying to escape from her new residence. She does actually try this often and the maglocks on the doors are all that keep her there. She seems to think that she is at work at the hospital she worked at many years ago and is being kept there against her will to ensure an adequate work force.

My mother in law is also going thru a change right now. She sold the house she has lived in for about forty years and is moving in to her sons house. He is moving to Atlanta to be with his girlfriend. My wife is just waiting for her mom to decide she doesn't like the situation and start blaming her for it.

I'm looking forward getting back to work and plan on many long days. thanks for reading.

vacation 2

This would be mom without her meds.
Well, we're on vacation at the beach. Today we spent some time at the ocean, spouse walked and I played with my metal detector. I found lots of bottle caps and one dime. At this rate in about two years I can pay for the detector. Helps to forget about stress though. Found a hot spot in the rental so thought I would take the oppurtunity to blog this. I will take some pictures later and post them. thanks for reading.

Vacation

Here are some news items I thought were worth sharing. The bottom one is no surprise. We start our vacation today and I'm not sure if the place we're staying has a hot spot so this could be my last post for a week or so. I'll check my mail in a parking lot but I won't take the time to post a blog that way.

I feel guilty about going away for a week and leaving mom, even though I know she'll be fine. the way the Alzheimers has screwed up her time sense she'll never know I was gone. My sibs will visit often and the staff will care for her but that doesn't make it easier. Last night she thought that I was my brother and was shocked to find that I was taking my wife away for a week. She also claimed that the "Indians" who ran the place were going around with a notebook figuring out how much money they were making on each resident. She probably saw the dieticians or one of the doctors making rounds. She lives in a paranoid world of confusion and time distortion where events of the past 80 years may have happened just yesterday and events of today never happened at all. She gets three good meals each day but if asked will assert that she hasn't been fed at all. You cannot reason with her but she is easily distracted. When she insisted on going home the other night I reminded her that dinner was on the way and she raced me back to her room. I enjoy watching her wolf down her meals because I know the day will come when she will forget how to eat. The cruelest of deseases.

The granddaughter is walking now and has the posture of a chimp. This will straighten as her back becomes stronger and her legs strengthen. We all enjoy watching her walk and imagine her falling and hitting her head on every hard surface. She, however, sees no danger and happily toddles all over the house. She is growing so fast I know we will be attending a wedding in no time at all.

thanks for reading.

Mom Again

Mom is settled in at a local Nursing center. The Dr. says the brain injury probably speeded up the dementia. He suggested 24 hr care for the rest of her life, which could be years. We've started the application process and now a lot of it is wait and see. She meets us each evening with a bag full of her things ready to go home. We ask her about her day and distract her until she forgets about leaving. Her memory is about 50% fabrication. She fills in the gaps with imaginative stories. She told me yesterday that everyone in the facility was kidnapped from local hospitals to enable the owners to fill the beds and make lots of money. She is unsteady on her feet and wears a restraint belt to keep her from falling out of the wheelchair. She has a single minded obsession with cutting the belt. She was using her butter knife on it at lunch today I am told. The terrible reality of this disease points out the very real limits of our medical knowledge. This really is "The Long Goodbye". thanks for reading.

first birthday

Here's the birthday girl with her Gramps and just prior to diving into the cake. In the bottom picture about 15 people were singing to her and she wasn't sure what was next. She was probably thinking that a firing squad came after this. Lots fun for everyone and plenty of toys and clothes for Chloe. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! thanks for reading.

On and On and On..........

Well, we got mom into a rehab and therapy center for a three week stay. I'm really hopeful that this will make her more cooperative. She was not a happy camper when she found that she wasn't going home but we convinced her to stay for a "visit". These people are supposed to be pros at dealing with this condition. Thank God for sedatives. She was officially diagnosed with Dementia while in the hospital which helps me tremendously in getting her the care she needs. While there she was convinced that she was in Greenville General hospital. That particular building was demolished about 15 years ago. She was transported in an ambulance but was sure that she came there in a car and was ready to fight about it. Her catch phrase for things you ask her that she has forgotten is "It's none of your business!". She told me that she would like to think that her car would be awaiting her at home. I told her that she could think that if she wanted to. The truth is she will never drive again. She has entered a new life of dependence, something she may never accept. My siblings were very helpful during the move, something I'm really grateful for. The legal issues involved and the physical and emotional strain are something that millions go through but that doesn't make it any easier when you are the focus of it. We found mom in need of new clothing and her house in need of a good cleaning. She would never accept help before but now we can step in and give her the help she needs. While in a rage the other night she asked me what my dad was thinking about me while looking down from heaven at the way I was treating her. I smiled which made her even madder. I think dad was thinking, " Good luck, now you know what I put up with for 56 years!" thanks for reading.

More Mom

This is probably what it would be like if I forgot to turn in my timesheet. The spouse would flog me figuratively.

I came home last night and went to visit mom. She was on fire because of her car. She refused to believe that the Dr. had ordered her not to drive. I tried to find her meds and discovered that she had hid them so well that even she didn't know where they were. I then called 911 and asked them to come get her. When she heard me calling them she went berserk. She threatened me and was out of control. Long story short: She is in the hospital awaiting transfer to an alzheimer ward for evaluation and rehab. I'm hoping for short term care and a return home.

We're going to the beach next week and this is what I'm hoping to catch. thanks for reading.

More Mom

They always thought I was a Scout leader because I cared about the boys.

Well, Mom goes back to the Dr. tomorrow. She is supposed to have her stitches removed and have an exam to determine her progress. She looks at it as a precursor to getting her car back. I really don't expect her to ever drive again. She has already made plans to stop and pick up her car on the way home. She is obsessive/compulsive and paranoid and I don't think she should ever be under the wheel of an auto again. I have an appt. to see her Dr. torrow afternoon to discuss her care and to plan for her future.

I found our missing dog today. Her remains are in the edge of the woods surrounding our house. I can only assume that she was shot or was killed by wild animals. There are coyotes in our area, but I would think that if coyotes got her there would have been little left. I believe someone shot her. It's a relief to know she wasn't stolen. I worried that dogfighters had taken her to use as bait to teach their dogs to kill. This is common and is a little known fact. thanks for reading.

Football Saturday

I hate it when this happens.
Today is a Clemson home game day. This means that if you have to go anywhere in the upstate you got to plan your route carefully to avoid the traffic. It's a great day with sunshine and a gentle breeze. The kind of day I wish I was at the beach. When you go out on a day like this you kind of forget about your troubles for a while.
I'm on call today and had to go out last night at 3:00 am. Fixed the problem and came home and went back to bed for a while. Definately a nap day.
Mom is a little calmer now but it's like sitting on a powder keg while smoking a cigar.
thanks for reading.

More Mom

I gotta admit this guy's attitude closely resembles my own. Mom has really pushed me to the limit the last week. She had tantrums, called me vile names, refused her medicine till she got her way and called the police on my sister for taking her car. Then, today, she called me and asked to be taken to the grocery store. I took her and watched her buy corn, canned corn, milk, eggs, and $30.00 worth of cat food. Basically she was going for the cats and bought a few things for herself to diguise the fact. I have an appt. with her physician monday to request that she be put in a locked facility for a few weeks for evaluation. I want to know if there is a physical cause for her strange behaviour or if it is just dementia. It is like walking on eggshells talking to her. the first slipup can send her into a rage. There has GOT to be medication that can help her.

We took the 6 year old grandson to the planetarium tonight. Had a great time and actually forgot about mom for a while. thanks for reading.

Paradise

Well, it's another day in paradise. I shouldn't complain. the weather is nice and I've got a good job. BUT, Sometimes things just get real complicated and you just wish for simpler times. I wonder, though, if there ever was a real simple time or if our memories are clouded by an inability to remember the bad. Maybe we just bank out the bad times and remember the good. whatever, thanks for reading.

The door part ll

Well, mom won the battle of the door. She thinks. She took her home tool kit and dug the wood out from around the screw and then broke it off and opened her door. She thinks she won, actually she lost. She now has access to the back steps which she will go up and down 10 or more times each day. She will carry stuff in and out of the door and will chase her stupid cats in and out of the door and up and down the steps. She will eventually fall down the steps once again. It is inevitable. She has already started in on my sister about the car. The surgeon forbade her to drive for 6 to 8 weeks. She says she has never been to "that damn doctor" and will drive as soon as we return her car. This disease is one of the most difficult things I have ever faced. It is frustrating to see things and be unable to explain them to someone. Try as you might you cannot get through to her. She has lost the ability to reason. She can only see obstacles and work single mindedly to overcome them. Yesterday she called me some of the vilest names I have ever heard. She also threatened several times to kill me. The next time she falls she will go to a nursing facility. I worked in one for 7 years and I would rather cut off my right hand than to put her there but I cannot continue to fight her in hopes of protecting her from herself. My job requires 10 to 12 hour days and I just cannot do that and care for her also. I am not one of these people who piously put their lives aside to care for someone. I have financial responsibilities I can't ignore. It is 4 in the morning and I have to go to work in a couple of hours. I wonder what craziness she will come up with while I'm gone? thanks for reading.

Mom & Dad

This probably would have been my mom and dad had dad lived.
Tomorrow is labor day, a national holiday here in the US. I don't have to work but I am on call for emergencies. We will work out in our yard and maybe lay around the pool. I'll grill something and watch a little tv. We usually take our vacation at the end of Sep.. We go to the beach and it's quite that time of year but still warm. thanks for reading.

The door

Well, more on mom. The Dr sent her home Friday. To prepare for her I screwed the door shut that leads to the steps. This means that she has to use the door that has no steps. She was enraged. She told me that if dad were still alive he would "blow your brains out with a shotgun!". Several hours later she hugged me and declared her love for me. Her biggest complaint is that her cats are upset by not being able to use the other door. I had to follow her around the yard friday evening while she rounded up the cats and brought them into the house. Keep in mind that this person had brain surgery on wed.. She is obsessed with these cats. This is sunday and she was ringing the doorbell early this morning to demand that I "Open that damn door!". I followed her back down to her house and discovered that she had locked herself out. I opened the front door for her whereupon she sat down outside the back door (the one with the steps) and said she would only use it. I left her there with her coffee and her cats. A while later I noticed she had gone in. Understand this, I live only about 100 feet away and we are well off the road. She is probably as safe as she would be in a nursing facility. I have taken her meds away and give them to her daily as she had started taking them randomly. I have also taken her car. The door issue has distracted her and she hasn't given me any grief about the car or the meds yet. Hopefully I can get a contractor to install a ramp at the door soon. She has declared that she will "chop it down with an axe" if I build a ramp. Soon after it's built she will tell me how wonderful it is. For those just coming in mom is 80 and suffers from alzheimers or senile dementia. She accused me Fri. night of wanting her dead. I replied that if that were the case I would open the door and let her fall down the steps. She said that snakes were clever and knew how to twist things around. She is sick and confused with a two minute attention span but she is still an intelligent, clever person. She has requested a sign to hang in her front window. "I am the boss in this house!" I may actually make it for her. thanks for reading.