The nursing home where mom is staying is giving us a fit. Medicare has quit paying because Mom is not getting any better. The nursing home wants her out of there and there is nowhere to put her. We all work and our homes are not adequate for an invalid. We cant find a nursing home anywhere in our area that will take her except for private pay at 100 to 150 a day and we simply dont have the money to do that. The Medicaid case worker is being a bitch and has turned down her claim repeatedly. When we try to talk to her she rudely cuts us off and is not helpful at all. I talked to my state senator several times this week and he is trying to help but it takes time and there is no time. I'm only getting 4 or 5 hours sleep each night. When I get exhausted enough or have a few drinks I fall asleep only to wake up and start going over it all in my head. If we could sell moms' property we could afford private pay for a while but she is not able to make those decisions and it takes a great deal of time to go through the process of a competency hearing and selling a home. I tried for years to get mom to prepare for this type of thing but her desease made her paranoid and uncooperative. I get stacks of bills in the mail every day in her name and now many of them are trying to pressure me into taking responsibility for her debts. Mom is alert mst days and usually figures out who I am after I'm with her for a while but remains confused about where she is or why she is there. She gets very confused about the family and cannot remember who is alive and who is dead. I don't try to correct her about dead family because there is no need to make her relive the grief over and over again. The Medicaid case worker told us to cash in all of moms life insurance and spend all the money on her to qualify for assistance at the assisted living facility. Now that she is back in a nursing home environment the money we had in her account for a short while makes her ineligible for assistance even though we were doing what we were instructed to do. It is so frustrating, I wish Mom would just go ahead and join Dad. She is already gone to us in her mind. her personality and her flavor as a person is gone because of this damnable desease and now her body just keeps going for no reason. I feel so guilty for thinking like this but I can't help it. I took a day off without pay this week and still turned in 62 hours at work. I was drowning my problems but working like this I don't even have time to drink. My phone rings constantly and I feel sometimes like I'm being pulled apart. My grandson cried the other night because he hadn't seen his Gramps in so long. It is now 5 am and I managed to sleep 4 hours. I look forward to going to work each day because while I'm working I'm not thing about all this other. The nursing home people have started using cell phones to call me because I knew the company numbers and wouldn't answer. I've had to start sending all unknown numbers to voicemail. Life is too short for this. The last ten years have had way too much stress in them. I'm about ready for a change. Some days I feel like putting my phone in the trash, packing a bag and hitting the road. My biggest problem is that I have always been the responsible, practical one in the family. I have never turned my back on anyone and I have seldom let anybody down. Those habits are hard to break. The seven years I worked in the nursing home I met every need of every resident and now I can't meet the needs of one person who is so dear to me. My hands are tied and I am so frustrated I feel like exploding. I am an action person and this is not an action situation. Many have told me to get a lawyer but that takes money and I don't really know who hold responsible for the situation. Ultimately Moms' illness is to blame but you can't sue God. I'll try to post more when things develop just in case there someone out there actually reading this.
